What do you do when the person that made things better becomes the main source of your pain? It doesn’t make sense, how some people push you down just so they can be the one who pulls you back up. But even worse is what happens when they finally don’t come back for you, and you’re left both with a problem and without a solution.

Sometimes they don’t sound all pretty and poetic, strung together and edited over and over again. Sometimes they’re ugly. Sometimes they’re said in choppy sentences, or screamed and cried and blubbered like a baby until they don’t even seem to make sense anymore. And those are the words that mean the most: the words that others can hardly make out over our gasping cries. More than anything, we need someone to listen to these words, but not just anyone can get close enough to hear them.

It’s almost as if we only discipline ourselves to prove our strength, because taking a shortcut is the weak thing to do, right? We fight against our inner demon so that it doesn’t end up eating us alive. Because if it does, then what do we have to show for it? A messed up life and a messed up mind. And if you’re messed up you ain’t no good in this society in this day and time, even if you’re perfectly satisfied.

It gets so hard to be strong when all anyone ever does is point out your flaws. It gets so hard to just laugh it off when you know there’s truth in everything assholes are saying about you. It’s like every time I finally find myself, someone’s there to tell me that I’m wrong. And it just leaves me confused once again. I built a huge wall around myself, and hardly anyone even realizes it’s there. I’m not the same person I once was. Pain changes you in the worst way. But you have to find a way to deal with pain, and whatever way you choose is up to you. Not anyone else. I wish people would respect that. I wish they’d understand. I’m wrong I’m wrong I’m wrong, I’m what’s always wrong.